If I asked you whether you trust every person in New Jersey, you’d probably say, “Of course not. Have you been on the turnpike?”
But here’s the twist.
Imagine you’re in a cozy cafe in California. You overhear someone mention they’re from Jersey too.
Suddenly, it’s like you’re old friends.
- Sharing diner recommendations.
- Debating if Central Jersey exists.
Why would two people who probably wouldn’t talk back home connect so easily? It has to do with how the human brain responds to shared identity in unfamiliar territory. But before we dive into the psychology of it all, let’s push the idea a little further.
You’re a Chicago Bears fan and you meet a Packers fan on vacation in Thailand.
- You talk about how cold it gets in the Great Lakes area.
- You share stories of your trip over Singha beers.
Different states, different teams. But in that moment, you bond.
Fast forward to 2125. You’re on Mars. You meet someone from Earth. Different race, gender, nationality. But you high-five them on sight.
When two people are strangers in an unfamiliar place, even the smallest connection matters.
That’s the power of shared identity.
I call this a Mars Moment.
The Psychology Behind Mars Moments
What’s happening here isn’t just social convenience, it’s backed by research in Common Ingroup Identity Theory (CIIM).
CIIM suggests that people naturally favor their own group (their “ingroup”) and are wary of outsiders (“outgroups”). But when two people from different groups are placed in an unfamiliar environment, or are guided to see a shared “superordinate” identity, they’re far more likely to feel trust, connection, and empathy.
That shared identity doesn’t need to be profound. It can be as small as “we’re both from New Jersey,” “we’re both Americans abroad,” or “we’re both lost in this conference center.”
CIIM shows that when individuals recategorize themselves into a more inclusive group, especially during moments of ambiguity or novelty, they’re more likely to cooperate and feel psychologically safe.
It doesn’t take a lot for strangers in a strange land to bond. In a prior post, I even mentioned how two people who count the same number of marbles will feel more bonded and connected to each other.
Mars Moments in Dance Floor Theory
The first rule of Dance Floor Theory is simple: the more friends someone has on the dance floor, the more fun they’ll have, and the longer they’ll stick around.
While Dance Floor Theory outlines six levels of engagement, most of the people entering your community are starting at Neutrals or 1s. They’re on the outside looking in, often unsure if they even belong.
That’s where Mars Moments come in.
These moments, small sparks of shared identity, form the first bricks in the foundation of community. They help people shift from strangers to peers.
As a facilitator or leader, your job is to help create those social connections, especially when people are new to the group. Whether it’s an orientation, a kickoff, or any first gathering, the early goal isn’t deep engagement or leadership. It’s basic connection.
Mars Moments are a fast natural way to move someone from passive to participating. They don’t require a big ask or deep vulnerability, just simple ways to help strangers find common bonds so they don’t feel alone.
How to Spark Mars Moments on Earth (or Zoom)
Here are four quick ways to create Mars Moments with your group, without needing a spaceship:
1.Nametag Info
Instead of just putting the person’s name on the nametag, add some additional random info about them such as birthplace, favorite TV show, style of music, Ice cream flavor, or even tooth paste brand.
2.“Would You Rather…”
Give two simple options that reveal personality without being too vulnerable. Would you rather:
Read a book or watch the movie?
Climb a mountain or nap on a beach?
Be the speaker or write the speech?
3.Map It Out
Place a giant map on the wall (or share a digital version). Ask people to put a sticky dot or emoji on where they’re from. Follow it up with, “Find someone whose dot is near yours and say hi.” Geographic proximity sparks stories, accents, rivalries, and those “Wait, do you know ___?” moments.
4.Two Truths and a Dream
A remix of the classic icebreaker. Ask each person to share two things that are true about them, and one thing they wish were true. Then other people guess which is the dream. The “dream” part opens the door to imagination and future identity.
“I’ve been to Iceland, I speak three languages, and I wrote a children’s book.”
Final Thought: Engagement Starts with Familiarity
Building a Culture of Connection, or a sense of belonging, starts with tiny moments that tell someone, “there are people here like me.”
Mars Moments work because they create these shared connections. They shift people from feeling like outsiders to feeling like insiders, without needing them to take a big risk.
And when people feel like they belong, even in a small, silly, or subtle way, they’re more likely to engage. To participate. To stay.
So if you want your event, team, or community to feel like a place where people actually want to participate, start small and build from there.
Start with Mars Moments.
