At a friend’s wedding many years ago, I watched something beautiful, and honestly, a little ridiculous, unfold.
Dinner had wrapped. The cake had been cut. It was officially time for dancing. Only one problem, the dance floor was empty. Then it happened. The DJ queued up The Chicken Dance.
The dance floor lit up like someone flipped a switch. My friend’s Aunt flapped her arms like her life depended on it. A group of teenagers who had been glued to the wall the entire night jumped in. Grown adults were spinning in circles with full commitment and zero shame.
After several laps around the dance floor myself, I paused to reflect on what was happening. It wasn’t the song that made the moment. Honestly, I think the DJ could’ve played any group dance song and it would’ve worked. It was the people. Everyone was already connected. Friends. Family. Inside jokes. Shared history. The song didn’t have to be a chart topper. The people just needed to be connected.
When the connections are strong, even The Chicken Dance can hit like Beyoncé.
Good Dances vs. Bad Dances
A few weeks after that wedding, I led an orientation session for a group of new managers at a software company in Chicago. I told them the story of the wedding and The Chicken Dance moment. Then I showed them two photos of different dance floors like the images below.
I asked them to turn to a neighbor and pick which dance they think is the more energized dance and why they think it’s more energized.
Which one would you pick?
I know, it sounds like a strange leap, going from employee engagement to dance floors. But hang with me. It’ll make sense in about thirty seconds.
Chances are, you’ve been to a dance at some point in your life. Some were electric with great music, great energy, everyone vibing. Others? Let’s just say you’ve probably had more fun watching a mandatory safety training video starring someone named Carl in khakis.
When people pick the “A” dance, they usually say something like, “I’d be right in the center of that circle, running the show, keeping the energy up, making sure everyone’s having a great time.” They see themselves as the conductor, the hub through which everything flows.
When people choose the “B” dance, their whole vibe changes. They light up. They point to different corners and say, “Look at those two hanging off the chandelier, that’s my kind of party!” They’re not drawn to a single leader. They’re drawn to the connections happening across the floor. The energy isn’t flowing through one person, it’s being created by everyone. Everyone is helping to make the dance better.
Here’s what I didn’t tell you: every line in those diagrams represents a relationship.
In the “A” dance, almost every connection runs through one person. One hub. One source. That’s a lot of pressure on a single person, and not a lot of connections between everyone. In the “B” dance, the lines go everywhere. People are connected to each other, not just to the person in the middle.
And the thing is, you already intuitively know what makes a great dance.
Imagine walking onto a dance floor where nobody knows each other. It doesn’t matter how good the DJ is, most people will hover at the edge, clutching their drinks, pretending to text, and suddenly becoming very interested in the wallpaper pattern. Now picture another dance floor where everyone already knows each other. That one’s packed. Even if the DJ throws on The Macarena, someone’s grabbing a chair, standing on it, and yelling, “This is my jam!”
Think of weddings, like the one I went to. The Macarena might be overplayed, but it still works. Not because it’s musically brilliant, but because it’s a shared experience with people you know.
At the end of the day, the secret to a great dance isn’t the DJ, the lights, or the room. It’s the relationships between the people on the dance floor. Sorry, DJs, you’ve been taking credit for way too long.
Which brings me to the first principle of Dance Floor Theory:
Dance Floor Theory Principle #1 – The more relationships and connections on a dance floor, the better the dance will be, and the longer it will last.
On a literal dance floor, that means more energy, more fun, and more people jumping in. But the same principle holds true for a team, an organization, or a community. The more connections people have with one another, the stronger the engagement, the better the retention, and the higher the performance.
This is more than a feel-good idea, it’s backed by actual math. Metcalfe’s Law states that “the effect of a network is proportional to the square of the number of connected users in the system.” Say what?! In non-techie math words, the more connections within a community, the more valuable the community. Not linearly, exponentially.
IBM took this idea a step further. They measured how productivity and knowledge-sharing improved as employees made more connections. The result? Each new email connection between coworkers was worth $948 to the company. That’s right, nearly a thousand bucks, which makes “add to contacts” the cheapest ROI move in company history.
Now let’s go back to those “A” and “B” dances from above. They reveal an important truth about leadership that often gets overlooked: the legacy of a leader isn’t measured by their irreplaceability, but rather, by what happens after they leave. Ideally, their departure isn’t followed by a Slack meltdown and someone Googling, “how to run a team meeting.”
In the “B” dance, if the leader, the central hub, suddenly steps away, the whole thing collapses. Every connection was dependent on them. Every relationship flowed through them. Without that one person, the structure falls apart. And just like that, the energy disappears.
But in the “A” dance, where everyone knows each other? The leader can step away or go to the bathroom, and the dance keeps going. The connections don’t disappear, because they weren’t dependent on one person to begin with. The energy doesn’t drop, it distributes. That’s what makes it sustainable without the leader present.
This is the ultimate mark of a great leader, not creating followers who need you, but building a community that thrives even in your absence. The strength of any organization isn’t measured by the power of just one person, but by the depth of connection between its members. Because let’s be honest, if the team falls apart every time you take a vacation, you’re not a leader, you’re a babysitter. The more authentic connections you foster within your team, the more engaging your collective “dance” becomes, and the longer its positive impact will last, even if you’re not physically there to oversee things.
Or, to put it more simply: more friends = more fun and it lasts longer.
