I watched a CEO unknowingly destroy his own team morale in under ten minutes.
He didn’t yell. He didn’t throw things. He just sat there in a leadership meeting, spewing negativity like it was his job. “This last week was absolutely sh*t. We blew it.” Then, “I don’t get how there can be so many of us and still not get this right. Clearly you are idiots.” And my personal favorite: “I feel like I’m the only one thinking on this team.”
The room went silent. People stared at their laptops. A few exchanged glances that screamed, “Did he really just say that?”
When the meeting ended and it was just me and the CEO, he leaned in and asked, “So… who do you think the problem is? I’m ready to fire someone.”
I pulled out my notes and read his own quotes back to him. His face went pale.
Here’s the thing: this CEO genuinely believed he was a Level 5 Leader. He had the title. He sat at the head of the table. He made the big decisions. In his mind, his position automatically put him in the center of the dance floor, leading the charge. But what he didn’t realize was that his behavior had turned him into something else entirely, someone whose negativity was quietly poisoning the team culture and pushing people towards the exits.
This is what happens when leaders operate on myths instead of reality. And trust me, if you’ve ever tried to build a more engaged team and felt like you were pushing a boulder uphill, you’re not alone. Most leaders genuinely care about engagement. They read the books, attend the workshops, and genuinely want their people to thrive. But somewhere between good intentions and real results, things fall apart.
The problem isn’t effort. It’s assumptions. Specifically, three sneaky myths that have burrowed deep into our understanding of Dance Floor Theory and engagement. These myths feel true because they’re so widely repeated. But they’re wrong. And they’re quietly sabotaging your best efforts to build a Culture of Connection™.
The good news? Once you see these myths for what they are, you can stop fighting against invisible forces and start leading with clarity. Let’s expose them one by one.
MYTH #1 - Being a “5” means you have to be an extrovert
On a literal dance floor, extroverts tend to take over the center. They feed off the energy of the crowd, love the spotlight, and act like the party owes them rent. So it’s easy to assume that since the Dance Floor Theory Engagement System places 5s in the middle, and extroverts tend to camp out there, being a 5 must mean you need to be loud and outgoing.
Wrong.
The dance floor is just a metaphor. In Dance Floor Theory, engagement isn’t measured in decibels, by how many people know your name, or by how flawlessly you can moonwalk. It’s measured by how you show up for your team, your mission, and the culture around you. Consistently, not loudly.
Step away from the dance floor and into any workplace, team, or community, and you’ll see the same pattern play out. Walk into any team meeting, and the extroverts are talking. A lot. They’re dominating the whiteboard, making sure everyone knows their thoughts on the quarterly projections, and explaining why their coffee order is objectively superior. Meanwhile, the introverts are listening, processing, and quietly wondering if they’ll ever get a word in edgewise.
It’s tempting to look at this scene and think engagement equals extroversion. But performance isn’t measured by the ability to “loudly bust a move.” It’s measured by how well someone does their job and how actively they strengthen the culture around them.
Introverts can absolutely be Level 5 Leaders. In fact, they often bring valuable strengths that extroverts struggle to match: deep one-on-one connections, thoughtful listening, and a calming presence that builds trust over time. Extroverts might be quicker to energize a group or jump into new conversations, but both styles have value. And both can thrive as 5s, just in different ways.
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant has written extensively about this, pointing out that corporate culture often mistakes “talking more” for “leading better.” In his study of 130 U.S. store managers, introverted leaders actually outperformed extroverts when their teams were proactive and self-driven.
So no, being a 5 isn’t about being an extrovert, or the loudest person in the room. You don’t have to hype the room to lead the room. You have to consistently deliver, care about the bigger picture, and strengthen the culture around you.
MYTH #2 - Being a Level 5 Leader Means Staying in the Center
The second myth has to do with physical location on the dance floor.
Back in college, I was a textbook Level 5. I was knee-deep in student leadership and loved every second of it, leading clubs, planning events, and shaping campus culture. Most of my free time was spent with other highly engaged students. We had inside jokes, shared goals, and an unofficial group chat that could have made the SNL cast cry laughing. It was fun. It was familiar. It was comfortable.
But here’s what I didn’t realize at the time: that comfort zone isn’t where real leadership happens.
Being a true Level 5 Leader isn’t about staying in the center with your fellow 5s. It’s about stepping out of that circle to connect with the 4s, 3s, 2s, 1s, and especially the Neutrals hanging on the edge wondering if they belong.
Your job isn’t to stay comfortable. It’s to create comfort for others.
Social comfort with peers is important for engagement and retention at every level from Neutrals to 4s. But the higher you go on the Engagement Pyramid, the focus shifts. It’s no longer about your own comfort, it’s about creating it for others. A true Level 5 Leader helps people feel seen, valued, and safe. For the psychology fans, that’s called psychological safety.
In this context, psychological safety means creating a feeling of comfort and acceptance when someone first joins a group or meets someone new. It’s about building a space where people feel welcome, respected, and free to be themselves without fear of judgment or rejection. That initial sense of safety is what allows people to let their guard down and open themselves up to connection, engagement, and real relationships. In short, it’s to build a Culture of Connection.
When leaders step out of their comfort zone to create safety and connection for others, it changes everything. Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz understood this. He was known for regularly visiting stores, chatting with frontline employees, and genuinely listening to their ideas. He didn’t stay in the boardroom bubble. He stepped out of the metaphorical center to connect with people across the entire Starbucks dance floor.
As Simon Sinek says, “Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge.” When a Level 5 Leader steps away from the center and moves through the rest of the dance floor, that’s exactly what they’re doing, taking care of their people.
So no, being a Level 5 Leader doesn’t mean staying in the middle of the dance floor. It means leaving the center to raise the engagement of everyone else around you.
MYTH #3 -- Executives are automatically Level 5 Leaders
The first myth was about personality. The second was about location. The third is about titles. Because surely the higher someone’s title, the higher their engagement level… right?
Not so fast.
Remember that CEO from the opening story? Every toxic quote I read back to him came with a fancy title attached. And he’s not alone. I’ve met frontline employees who were true Level 5 Leaders in every sense of the word, and executives who operated like Neutrals or 1s. Engagement isn’t assigned by a job description. It’s earned through behavior.
And if your behavior makes people want to fake a power outage just to avoid your meeting, you’re not leading at Level 5.
A higher title doesn’t automatically mean a higher engagement level in DFT. I’ve met frontline employees who were true Level 5 Leaders, and executives who operated like Neutrals or 1s. Engagement is not assigned by a job description.
True Level 5 Leaders earn their position on the Engagement Pyramid through consistent action, not a nameplate. They show up with intention. They invest in their people. They care about the bigger picture and actively work to strengthen the culture around them. Title or no title. It is earned through behavior. And if your behavior makes people want to fake a power outage just to avoid your meeting, you are not leading at Level 5.
So no, having “President” or “VP” on your business card doesn’t make you a Level 5 Leader. Engagement isn’t awarded by a title, it’s proven by how you show up every single day.
Turning Myths Into Actions
I’ve run hundreds of Dance Floor Theory programs, and no matter the industry, the size of the organization, or the experience level of the leaders in the room, I always get asked about these three myths in some form. “Do I need to be more outgoing to be a better leader?” “Should I focus on my top performers?” “Doesn’t my title prove I’m engaged?”
The questions vary, but the underlying assumptions are the same. And here’s what makes these myths so dangerous: they’re silent killers. Leaders operate on them without even realizing it, making decisions that feel right but quietly erode the very engagement they’re trying to build. By the time the damage becomes visible, morale has tanked, top performers have left, and the culture feels impossible to fix.
So here’s my challenge for you: This week, pick one of these myths that might be influencing how you lead. Ask yourself honestly: Am I assuming that the quiet people on my team are less engaged? Am I spending all my time with people who are already high performers? Am I coasting on my title instead of earning engagement through my actions? Then do one thing differently. Because when you stop fighting against myths and start leading with clarity, that’s when real engagement begins.
