It’s a classic facilitator trick – You ask a question, raise your hand high to model what you want, and wait in silence. People hate silence. Someone always raises their hand.
Except once, no one did.
And I learned a lesson I’ll never forget.
I was in South Korea leading a workshop with a room full of incredible professionals. I launched into my usual interactive style and asked for a volunteer to share. Then I raised my hand and waited…
…and waited…
…and waited…
Nothing.
I kept smiling, I kept my hand up, I made direct eye contact, and still nothing. The silence got uncomfortable, but no one moved. Eventually, I lowered my hand in defeat and embarrasment and pivoted: “Alright, let’s try this. Write down your thoughts first, then share in small groups.” That worked. The room came alive again, but it was quiet aliveness, not the big, out-loud energy I’m used to in the United States.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’d made a classic mistake: I was facilitating through my own culture’s lens, not theirs.
Not Every Culture Values Standing Out
Western cultures tend to reward individuality. Be bold. Speak up. Be seen. Espeically in the United States. But many Eastern cultures value harmony, humility, and collectivism. Standing out isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s disrespectful.
My go-to facilitation trick, rooted in a Western style of engagement, didn’t translate. I wasn’t being ignored. I was being honored, through their silence and respect for the group.
And that moment taught me something bigger than how to adjust my facilitation.
It reminded me: your way isn’t the only way.
Culture of Connection™ Means Cultural Awareness
In Dance Floor Theory™, we talk about building a Culture of Connection™, not just connection in general, but connection that engages people with who they are.
In terms of my speaking, that means:
- Not assuming your engagement strategies work everywhere.
- Not expecting everyone to participate the same way.
- Not confusing quiet with disengaged.
If you’re leading a global team, facilitating a diverse audience, or working across cultural lines (which, let’s face it, is all of us now), your job isn’t to “normalize” everyone into one way of interacting.
It’s to create conditions where everyone feels safe enough to engage, in their own way.
Practical Shifts for Global Connection
Here are a few things I’ve learned since that South Korea moment that might help you, too:
- Observe before you initiate. Watch how people interact with each other before you decide how to lead the room.
- Use multiple engagement formats. Pair verbal sharing with written reflection, solo thinking with group discussions. Offer multiple doors into the experience.
- Check your cultural defaults. What feels normal to you might feel invasive to someone else. Do your homework ahead fo time to know the differences.
- Build psychological safety first. Especially in collectivist cultures, people may need more context and invitation before they’re ready to speak publicly.
- Learn from the silence. Sometimes the quietest rooms are the deepest thinkers.
Final Thought: Connection Isn’t Copy/Paste
That day in South Korea reminded me that true connection isn’t one-size-fits-all.
It’s not built by replicating what worked before, it’s built by respecting who’s in front of you now.
So if you want to build a real Culture of Connection™, start here:
Don’t assume. Ask.
Don’t just look for hands raised. Look for eyes locked, heads nodding, notes scribbled.
Don’t lead through your culture. Learn to lead through theirs.
Connection requires curiosity. And sometimes, that means putting your hand down, and listening instead.
