The Best Leaders Don’t Just Share Their Successes; They Share Their Scars
I was recently keynoting at a university, sharing my story of academic struggles and eventual triumph with a group of students on academic probation. My goal? To inspire them with my journey and offer strategies for turning their academic careers around.
After my presentation, the university’s Provost and President approached me, praising the program. But then, the Provost shared something unexpected: she too had been a first-generation, academically troubled student. She had faced similar challenges but ultimately persevered, earning her Master’s, Ph.D., and eventually becoming the Provost of the university.
I was struck by her story and asked if she shared it with the students. “They don’t want to hear from me,” she replied.
“Yes, they absolutely do!” I exclaimed. “Every day. For them to hear that you were someone like them, and now you’ve made it… and they see you every day? That gives them hope that they too can do this.”
In the world of Dance Floor Theory, we say that everyone is on a different stage of their engagement journey. Those at the beginning, our Neutrals, 1s, and 2s of the dance floor, can benefit greatly from hearing your engagement journey and how you too used to be a Neutral but are now a 5.
“Personal stories bridge the gap between leaders and campus communities. Sharing your experiences, challenges, and successes makes your role more relatable and human.”
Devorah Lieberman, President of the University of La Verne
That conversation sparked a realization: when leaders don’t share their past challenges, they do a disservice to their people. It’s like those cooking shows where they present a perfect soufflé, but they don’t show you the 12 collapsed attempts it took to get there.
While the story about the Provost takes place in a university setting, the underlying message is universal. Leaders in any context – businesses, non-profits, community groups – can benefit from sharing their journeys. It’s about humanizing leadership and fostering connection, regardless of the specific environment.
By only showcasing their successes, they create a false narrative of effortless achievement. They fail to show that the path to success isn’t always a smooth, paved road, but often requires detours, U-turns, and a whole lot of resilience.
Why Sharing Your Story Matters
- Sharing your struggles makes you relatable. It shows your team that you’re not superhuman, that you’ve faced obstacles and overcome them. This builds trust and fosters a sense of connection.
- Sharing your story provides hope. When people see that someone who has “made it” has also faced adversity, it gives them the courage to keep going, even when things get tough. Research by Dr. Shane Lopez, a leading expert on hope theory, suggests that hope is a key predictor of academic and professional success.
- Sharing your story can be a powerful teaching tool. By sharing the lessons you’ve learned from your challenges, you can help your team members navigate their own obstacles and achieve their goals.
In the case of the Provost, her story was a powerful testament to the possibility of transformation. It was a living example of hope for those students who felt lost and discouraged. By not sharing her story, she was missing a valuable opportunity to connect with her students on a deeper level and inspire them to believe in their own potential.
Every leader has a story to tell. A story of challenges, setbacks, and eventual triumphs. So, ditch the superhero cape and embrace your inner ‘Clark Kent.’ A little vulnerability goes a long way. Don’t be afraid to share your story with your team. It might be the very thing they need to hear to keep going, to believe in themselves, and to achieve their goals. As Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
Sharing personal stories isn’t about airing dirty laundry or being unprofessional. It’s about connecting with others on a human level and building relationships. When we share our stories, we create a sense of shared experience and understanding, which can be incredibly powerful in motivating and inspiring others.
Remember:
- Vulnerability is strength: Sharing your struggles doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.
- Your story matters: Your experiences can inspire and guide others.
- Don’t underestimate the power of hope: Your story can give others the courage to keep going.
So, the next time you’re tempted to only share your highlight reel, remember that leadership isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being human. It’s about creating a Culture of Connection where everyone feels seen, valued, and supported, regardless of where they are on their engagement journey.
