As 1,200 students filed into the room for my talk, I planted myself by the front door with a few orientation leaders and we became the informal welcoming crew. We greeted the students with smiles and good morning wishes. I commented on cool or unique clothing I saw as a way to personalize the greeting and make the students feel more welcome.
With the room about half full, a student walked in wearing a torn Grateful Dead shirt, but I couldn’t see his face to make eye contact and say hello because his head was drooped to his chest. His shoulders hung low and his feet barely lifted off the ground as he moved past. All his non-verbals said he wasn’t excited to be there and he hadn’t made any friends yet. As he passed me in our greeting line, I pointed to his shirt and said, “Nice shirt. Sure is a long strange trip we are on.” He looked up and smiled as he understands the quote was from a Grateful Dead song. He then went on to his seat off to the side by himself.
Ten minutes went by and with the room nearly full, another student walked in with a similar torn Grateful Dead shirt and body language. As he passed me in the greeting line, I pointed at his shirt and said, “Nice shirt. Sure is a long strange trip we are on.” He looked up and smiled. I continued, “There’s another guy who came in with almost the exact same shirt. He’s seated somewhere over there.” I pointed and the student’s eyes lit up for a moment as he looked over the crowd of people. But with 1200 freshmen in one room, it was nearly impossible to find that one student again.
I held out hope that maybe they’d run into each other throughout the rest of the day and make a connection because they were the only two people wearing Grateful Dead shirts. But the realistic side of me knew that the odds were extremely low and that made me sad because that one little connection could have completely changed their college experience.
Anytime someone walks into a new space, the first thing their brain will scan for is dangers and comforts. Luckily, we don’t have to worry about a tiger jumping out and killing us anymore, so our dangers are more social than physical. On the comfort side, a new person is scanning to find “people like them” in the room. Superficial things such as similar looks and similar clothing are a common way for the brain to find comfort in a room. That comfort is the first step in long-term engagement.
The National Resource Center for The First-Year Experience and Student in Transition says,
“If we don’t engage a student within the first two weeks of school, we essentially loose them for the full 2 or 4 years.”
That’s my fear of leaving the connection up to chance or through some randomly paired ice breaker. We might lose them for the full 2 or 4 years. I know there is a fantasy about meeting interesting people in college by chance, but it’s too risky.
What are you doing during orientation to help develop the social bonds and connections between your people?
