Anyone who has seen Finding Nemo knows that clownfish like anemone. They also know that “anemone” is really hard to say. This weekend, I went to the aquarium in Norwalk, CT with my family. We saw a fish go through the anemone, and the anemone seemed to actually brush the fish. It was pretty darn cool.
I did a little research and found out that clownfish in particular rub against the anemone to build up an immunity to its stinging. Then, they can live inside the anemone and no other fish can bother them, since other fish are not immune.
I think that as humans, we are all like the anemone and the clownfish.
Bob Marley once said
Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
No person is perfectly kind; no one is incapable of hurting someone else. Families, couples, and friends all fight, say things they don’t mean, or act selfishly. Yet we forgive each other because we know that we need that same forgiveness just as often.
Have you ever gotten into a fight with someone very important to you, but then found a way to reconcile? Was your relationship stronger than ever? Just like the sea anemone and the clownfish, we come back to our loved ones who hurt us, because our relationship builds up an immunity to further stings.
My sister is allowed to be meaner to me than most people, because my immunity to her humor and personality makes me feel safe around her. I know she doesn’t mean to hurt me if she does, so it doesn’t sting so bad most of the time. Because I trust her and allow myself to be vulnerable, by telling her secrets and insecurities, she has become a shelter. I know that if someone else were to hurt me, she would stick up for me in an instant. Only I get to call her names! She’s MY sister.
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, even if it means getting stung sometimes, we allow real relationships to blossom. In turn, these relationships create human shelters from harm. Often, the people who close themselves off from potential pain have no one to help them fight their battles. They end up just as alone and hurt as they tried to avoid.
Humans need humans. We need to be okay with an occasional sting, rejection, or unpleasant experience. If you gather just a little courage, you can help break down someone’s walls if they too scared to reach out. And then you both get to protect each other.
Here are some potential stings you can accept in order to create sheltering and loving connections:
- Try to talk to someone who is alone, even if they tell you to go away
- Be extra kind to that person who is mean to you
- Forgive your friends, even if your pride was hurt
- Say sorry when you mess up, even if it’s terrifying to own up to it
Next time you see someone you love, tell them that they are the clownfish to your anemone.
