On my way to watch a softball game in Central Park, I rounded a corner, where I was greeted by a dad and his two teenage boys. Based on his equipment and form, it was clear the dad was a life-long runner. His boys…not so much. The mis-match in running experience reminded me of the Friends episode when Rachel and Phoebe went running together. Phoebe, much like the boys, was less a runner and more a Muppet breaking free from jail.
I found myself laughing at the boys, as it was clear this must’ve been one of the first times they’d ever gone running with their dad. Then I felt bad.
I’ve been running for most of my life. In terms of Dance Floor Theory, my experience level is a solid 5. But at one point in my life, I was just starting out, and I was a Neutral, just like the boys in Central Park. In fact, when I started playing soccer, I used to run with stiff legs. I don’t know why I didn’t bend my knees, I just didn’t. I didn’t have enough experience to know any different. Finally, one day, I started bending my knees and things got way better.
Had someone started laughing at my level of inexperience in running in the beginning, I’m not sure if I would’ve kept going on.
As a campus leader, or a 5 on the Dance Floor, sometimes it’s easy for us to forget what it’s like to be a Neutral on the Dance Floor. But our ability to empathize with Neutrals is critical to building a relationship with them.
If you find yourself forgetting what it’s like to be a Neutral, here are three tips to toggle your memory:
1) Look Back – Using a tool like Timehop or 5 Minute Journal will help you to track and remember how you are feeling in any given moment. Sometimes our memories fade, but our journal entries don’t lie.
2) Ask Without Judgment – Instead of making an assumption about how someone is feeling, just ask them.
3) Become a Neutral Again – Feed Your Butterflies by putting yourself at the beginning part of a learning curve by joining a new class or social circle. Sometimes we have to fish ourselves to really remember what it’s like to fish.
We’ve all been a ‘Phoebe’ at one point in our lives, and as we try and build up our culture of engagement on campus, remember that many of the new students entering your school, or joining your campus group, are just starting off. Help them to feel understood and supported by reaching back into your own experience when you were just starting off. Once you See It Through Their Eyes, you’ll be well on your way to bringing them closer to the center of your Dance Floor.
